66055

Joke of the Day

"5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool."

"I decided to burn some calories today.. ...So I lit a fat kid on fire"

"I love indie movies Me too, the best one is the first one with the snakes"

"My new Toyota is going to be in a new movie . . . Just a small part. It's just a Camryo."

"6-year-old: Spill me some milk. Me: You mean ""pour."" 6: Not the way you do it."

"Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag."

"Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]"

"JEllo hooker? What's the difference between Jello and a Dead Hooker? Jello wiggles when you eat it out"

"How can you waste food when there are starving children in...ew onions."

"What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day? A booquet of flowers."