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Joke of the Day

"My wife CLAIMS to be my best friend but she didn't seemed all that psyched when I bragged about this girl at work I just made out with."

"My wife has just given birth for the first time.... I don't know who I feel more sorry for, my son for being ginger or my wife for having to bring him up on her own."

"I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... In the kitchen."

"I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control I thought to myself ""this changes everything"""

"I thought a vasectomy would prevent me from having babies. But all it does is change the color of my babies."

"What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador"

"What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop? ""Make me one with everything."""

"Advice My brother came to me for advice concerning a major career change. All I could telll him was, ""Take the shot. Lincoln did."""

"Prom tip: DON'T HAVE A BABY"