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Joke of the Day

"Can you believe my girlfriend's mother said I'm a pedophile because I'm 40 and she's 20? Just because she's a mother doesn't mean she can judge people twice her age."

"How to stop a small dog from humping your leg. Pick him up, and suck his dick!"

"Sesame Street didn't prepare me for any of this bullshit."

"The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend"

"Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl."

"How do you make a girl gain weight? Marry her."

"I'm not here to make FRIENDS - David Schwimmer on his day off (it is 1996 in this tweet)"

"Here's a dirty joke A clown in the mud."

"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing zone in a swimming pool."

"If you're sad & lonely If you're sad, lonely & home alone always watch good horror movie & you will feel someone's presence with you."