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Joke of the Day

"Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl."

"Dr ""Do you want the good news or the bad news?"" Patient ""Good"" Dr ""You have 6 months to live"" P ""What's the bad news!?"" Dr ""...in dog years"""

"Review of ""grandma"": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist "

"White girl frustrated in the 1700's: ""I shan't even"""

"Don't read ""part a"" backwards. It's a trap."

"NOTHING says ""I am batshit, incapable of relationships, bad with money & cannot be trusted"" like colored contact lenses."

"I got a job at Apple today by answering just one question. The interviewer asked what my passion was and I said, 'tax laws'."

"Nickelback walks into a bar.... So Nickelback walks into a bar, and there is no punchline, because ruining music isn't funny."

"Why is DeadMau5 bad at math? He drops the base when doing logs."

"I'm just a girl standing here wishing I was as thin as my patience"