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Joke of the Day

"There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."

"I have created a new Word! plagiarism"

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was *two tired*."

"What do animal poachers do in their spare time? They go clubbing."

"Not saying I deserve a gold medal in parenting, but it's 4:47 PM and my 4yo just yelled ""FINE THEN, I'M GOING TO BED!"" So you be the judge."

"I use head&shoulders Me: I use head&shoulders frequently Friend: But you dont have dandroof? Me: Exactly!"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""I don't think I can get hard -- I just got laid this morning!"

"I'm quitting drinking for good. Now I drink for evil."

"Why couldn't the dyslexic plantation owner get anything done? Gingers just don't last in the sun."

"The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist."