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Joke of the Day

"5: Mommy can we pee in the pool? M: NO! Neighbors kid: Why? M: Because pee mixed with chlorine produces sharks and they'll eat and kill you."

"How do you clean a condom? Turn it inside-out and shake the fuck out of it."

"Imagine being in space and floating past all the planets. You could probably go kart on Saturn's rings."

"You can say what you want about pedophiles ...but at least they drive slowly around schools and playgrounds."

"Use chemicals to wipe polish and no one bats an eye.. But use chemicals to wipe the Polish and everybody starts to lose their shit."

"I witnessed a murder today.. then I realized it was just a group of crows."

"Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer."

"Want to hear a joke about Nitric Oxide? NO"

"[in hip-hop voice] uh"

"How many Zionists does it take to change a light bulb? [OC] Just one. And if you disagree with me, you're an anti-Semite."