64987

Joke of the Day

"What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables? Stephen Hawking."

"If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building which would jump off first? The quarter because it has less sense (cents)."

"Me on Masterchef: Ive made a roasted pork kebab breaded with buttermilk cornbread and served with a tomato reduction Them: This is a corndog"

"Why does Sean Connery suck at DIY? A lack of shelf awareness."

"My doctor told me I need more potassium in my diet And I said K."

"Santa's lap isn't the only place wishes come true."

"What did the the Jamaican daddy spice say to his son when he was being bad? Your a cinnamon"

"Rethink everything in your life if you're one of the 43,000 people making comments on an instagram photo of Kylie Jenner stretching."

"A woman is good for 70 things. Cooking and 69."

"My wife left me because I couldn't control my pasta touching fetish... I'm feeling cannelloni right now"