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Joke of the Day

"Stop wearing shirts that make us want to look at your titties if you don't want us to look at your titties, because TITTIES!!"

"Imagine the towering achievements in aquatecture if sawfish & hammerhead sharks ever get their shit together"

"What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets? The kind that's always shooting his mouth off."

"*runs in place* *cracks knuckles* *stretches neck* *takes a deep breath* *heads toward buffet*"

"If you stare at a 6 year old when they're eating a banana split, they hold it real close and eat faster."

"Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?!!!"

"We just had Christmas and now Easter is right around the corner. Hard to believe they crucified Jesus when he was only 4 months old."

"*accidentally summons malevolent demon at a seance* I WILL HAUNT YOUR HOME FOREVER! [4 days later] YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CLEAN UP OCCASIONALLY"

"I love cheese! Cheese: I have a boyfriend"

"The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done"