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Joke of the Day

"What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets? The kind that's always shooting his mouth off."

"I accidentally kicked my cat off of the bed while adjusting my blankets. Now he's in the corner sadly humming a Sarah McLachlan song."

"The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, ""I don't think it's working"""

"If you see a condom, a tampon and a bra walking down the street..... which one is more likely to say hello? ans: the bra. The other two are stuck up cunts."

"What country are you most likely to get a disease? GERMany."

"Napolean had a brother But you probably didn't know since they were bornaparte!"

"Whats the difference between tuna, a piano and glue? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna."

"Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats."

"When your kids are little you're a super hero.When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility."

"As a kid, I was always scared of the dentist. He was a pedophile. You wouldn't believe the fillings he gave me."