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Joke of the Day

"I brought a t-shirt cannon to a knife fight. Everyone dropped their knives to catch their own piece of WNBA history."

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"""I don't like the taste of water."" - first world problem"
"What did the black kid get on his SATs? BBQ sauce."
"Sex is hereditary... ... if your parents never had it you won't either."
"Latvian potato eating contest. Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry."
"Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I'm sobering up."
"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."
"A man goes to a zoo... ...But the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It was a Shih Tzu"
"Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'"
"Chuck Norris was at the Homerun Derby He pitched a no hitter!"