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Joke of the Day

"Can't believe I've already spent $500 on mayonnaise this year."

"I like my women like I like my milk... White, with 2% fat."

"The Feds say that marijuana has no accepted medical use, overlooking how it could help 20 million unemployed Americans not give a shit."

"If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 jumpers, they can go through 88 stories in 8 seconds."

"I found my first white hair on my head ... I'm gonna name him Gentrification. I'm so sorry."

"Whale joke How do you circumcise a whale? You send down four skin divers!"

"What is something that looks like an obese vagina, loves guns, is widely hated by the Europeans and can't take a joke? An Americunt."

"Jewish mothers How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? *Exasperated sigh* No it's fine, I'll just sit here in the dark!"

"*walking into Home Depot for 2nd time today* Back again? Forget something? -Um, you remember if I brought a kid in here with me last time?"