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Joke of the Day

"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."

"I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Might not kill him but he'll never have any friends."

"What did Obi-wan say to Skywalker the first time he saw him as Darth Vader? (snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an ..."

"I asked the waitress if she wanted a good tip and a quickie. She said: Just the tip."

"In all US bars you can now order an Osama Bin Laden... two shots and a splash of water"

"So I asked my Doctor, ""Doctor, what are we going to do about this dangerous virus from Africa?"" He said, ""I don't know, he has two more years in office."""

"What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car? ""Robin, get in the car."""

"Why are women such bad drivers? Because they are constantly lied to about what 8"" is."

"Why are Fencers so popular on /r/Jokes? Because they do well with Ripostes."

"advertising slogans are the official language of the united states of america"