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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby."

"If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage. You are not girlfriend material."

"My mom when I was a kid: ""Never talk to strangers."" ""Never get in their cars."" Me to my future kids: ""Here's how to order an Uber."""

"What do you call a man doing dishes? Single."

"Three really fat girls were cramped under one umbrella. Why didn't any of them get wet? It wasn't raining."

"There are 10 types of people in the world: People who understand ternary, people who don't, and people who thought this was going to be the binary joke."

"POP RACIST MATH PROBLEM QUIZ! Jamal has $600 rims on his car. He's traveling at 45 mph. How many children does Jamal have? show your work."

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute."

"wouldn't be arguing..."

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed face first"