6422

Joke of the Day

"[soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!"

"Who said chivalry is dead, I open the door at least a hundred times a day for my cat and dogs."

"I think we need to stop having such a bad reaction to the fine bros... We may get sued."

"Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion."

"Hey girl, heard you really like pandas *Seductively eats bamboo*"

"911! I just murdered a bunch of people 911: omg on purpose? Hang on lemme ask, did I murder anyone by mistake?.. No one is answering, So.."

"Why did the Mexican push his wife off the bridge? Tequila"

"How Much Food did Soviet Ukraine Need in the Early 1930s? A whole-lot-more"

"I've been drinking and trying to think of a great tweet for a few hours now and here it is: FARTS"

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was both their last big hit."