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Joke of the Day
"Hey girl, heard you really like pandas *Seductively eats bamboo*"
Next Joke
"the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled fuck and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex"
"I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos."
"What do you do with dead atoms? Barium"
"What's the difference between a pizza and a woman The crust on the pizza tastes good."
"It's really weird to think about the fact that I've slept with literally everyone in my high school.. It's a lot less weird when you realize it's one in the morning and my high school is vacant."
"Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door."
"South Africa"
"Person on this home improvement show said everybody needs ""a good screwing surface."" Can't argue with that logic."
"The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet."