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Joke of the Day

"""I take pride in my job. I transport the worlds most precious cargo"" -oh, u drive a school bus? ""LMAO Hell no! I'm a drug smuggler u nerd"""

"When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago."

"As the head emerged from my wife's vagina, one of the doctors turned to me. He said, ""Are you excited?"" ""Of course,"" I replied. ""I haven't seen my Action Man in ages!"""

"You hear about the new cemetery? People are dying to get in there..."

"Why did Adele cross the road? Because she wanted to say: > Hello from the other side..."

"Well this beer isn't going to throw itself up."

"What is the worst thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"What's the difference?? What's the difference between Cinderella and Princess Diana? At midnight Cinderella's car didn't turn into a wall."

"I renamed my toilet form John to Jim the other day- -that way, I can tell people that I wake up and go to the Jim every morning."

"Choose your own adventure: S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P Dad sees a soda? Moving a couch for dad? Obese girl with a vision problem?"