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Joke of the Day

"Choose your own adventure: S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P Dad sees a soda? Moving a couch for dad? Obese girl with a vision problem?"

"I asked my friend from New Zealand how many times he'd had sex... but he fell asleep before he could tell me."

"The inventor of puppets must have been really fucking lonely."

"Ouch! I stubbed my butt hole..."

"George Clooney looks that way because when he was a kid he kept making handsome faces and it stuck that way. No, don't stare."

"Ellen Pao stole my bike Who else could it have been"

"I've had an awful year. I lost my job, broke my leg and my wife's run off with my best friend... I do miss him."

"Q: Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey? A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store."

"[punches shark on the nose[ shark: that wont stop me me: are u crying shark: no its always wet & salty on my face"

"What lies on it's back a hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede."