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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? He drank it before it was cool."

"Who called it Scientology and not Cruise control?"

"What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge? You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now."

"What do you call a matador who lost to the bull? A mat'o'gore."

"You're like pizza at a Chinese buffet. I ain't feeling you but I see you over there, doing you, and I respect that."

"ME: *walks in with ball rammed into my mouth* Happeh nuh? JUDGE: Not what a gagging order means! Are you sure you want to defend yourself?"

"[Starbucks Assassins Inc] CHIEF: Write this down. Target's name is John BARISTA: [writes] Jamie C: Ok. Memorise it B: [eyes shut] Janet"

"I wanna give a shoutout to the sidewalks For keeping people off the streets."

"Today, I got lit, went to Denny's, ordered a t-bone & eggs, and scarfed it all down... I guess you could say... it was a ""high-steaks"" scenario."

"So... what do you call a sexual tree? A pork-u-pine My brain is dumb"