62905

Joke of the Day

"""Chewing"" and ""eating"" are very similar things. But ""getting chewed out"" and ""getting eaten out"" are very different."

"I feel bad for people who suck at simulations. You can say, for them, i feel... Sim-pathetic! (Ba-dum-tuss)"

"It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, He just didn't have the balls to do it."

"GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

"Me: ""I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he's the only one with glasses?"" Librarian: ""Just pay your fine, Ma'am."""

"Being a vegatarian is a missed-steak!"

"If you are American in living room, what are you in the bathroom? European."

"I dropped my cat in the bathtub once... It was the only time i got a pussy wet."

"[spelling bee] Your word: Spelunking ""U-N-K-I-N-G"""

"Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's."