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Joke of the Day

"Just once I'd like to yell, ""Don't you know who I am?!"" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot."

"Would everyone in the room who believes in telekinesis... Please raise my hand?"

"Chuck Norris donates blood, just not his own"

"If you get a boner at a funeral is it still called mourning wood?"

"Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard"

"When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed."

"Sitting on the toilet this morning, I was reminded of my first divorce. At first I thought it had been a clean break, but then it got messy and there was lots of paperwork."

"People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that."

"I Dropped Out of Elementary School Because of Recess.. I don't play games."

"I am 99% sure USA's Student's t is 2.576. Because America got an infinite degree of freedom."