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Joke of the Day

"Abortion is a tough issue for me. On one hand I love killing babies but on the other I don't want to give women rights."

"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman? The Rolling Stones sing ""Hey You! Get off of my cloud!"" A Scotsman shouts ""Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"""

"People are always telling me I don't have friends, but they're wrong. I have all 10 seasons on DVD."

"Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: They have big fingers."

"I pray every night that I never become religious..."

"If you're stuck in the Friend-zone, here's a simple 5-step solution: 1) Stop. 2) Being. 3) Her. 4) Fcuking. 5) B!tch."

"In light of all the LGBT groups participating in St Patrick's Day..... I'm going to open a new Irish themed gay bar. It will be called *Sodom and Begorrah*"

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Silent"

"Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district."

"What's tall, handsome and muscular? Not you!"