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Joke of the Day
"I don't like vacuums. They suck."
Next Joke
"*night falls, the full moon rises* ME: go, please! i don't want you to see me...like...this HIM: omg what's happening ME: *asleep by 10 pm*"
"The most scientific pet? The lab."
"Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough."
"Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean."
"What do you call a cow masturbating? Beef stoken-off"
"guy at work: ""good weekend?"" me: [in next toilet stall] ""please leave me alone"""
"Every yo-yo trick should be called ""no friends."""
"""Rock. Paper. Scissors."" - terrible surgeon"
"In which month is the NYC fashion week? Fabruary, of course."