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Joke of the Day

"Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean."

"What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey! (Edit: Say it out loud if you don't get it)"

"What do warm toilet seats and pussy have in common? They both feel nice but you never know who's been there first"

"They should make a movie where a guy takes someone's Ph.D. thesis, edits it one paragraph at a time and turns it into a completely new thesis. It should be called Ship of Thesis."

"What's the first rule for hitting on girls? Hit them where it won't show."

"A black man catches a goldfish and it says ""If you let me go ill give you one wish!"". He replies why do I get 1 and everyone else 3? ""Because you're a fucking nigger"""

"Why don't you see penguins in Britain? Because they're afraid of Wales"

"What do vegan zombies say? GRAAAAAAINS!"

"[my son brings a meme home] please can we keep him [me loading shot gun] leave the room Gregg"

"Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen"