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Joke of the Day

"Who won the animal race? The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!"

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"What do you call a masturbating pickle? Jerkin' Gherkin"
"What other US state can fit Kansas inside of it? Arkansas"
"My husband doesn't believe me that the Bible instructs him to make the coffee in the morning. It's there, clear as day. Hebrews."
"What's the smartest pizza? Combination with Nobel peppers."
"Maybe I can bury my burned out vibrators in the Pet Sematary and they'll come back to life with a vengeance."
"Small office joke My office is so small that when my feet are under my desk I trip people walking down the hall!"
"Who are the fastest readers in the world? The people in the world trade center, these mother fuckers blew threw a hundred stories in two seconds!"
"I'm putting off having kids mainly because I'm not ready to be 9 months sober."
"I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too. RIP"