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Joke of the Day

"My Gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple. Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for arseholes."

"You know what's synonymous with the ""This pussy grabs back"" movement? The clench of the clam movement."

"Yesterday my wife caught me checking out our hot new neighbor and all she had to say to me was, ""It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home""."

"He'd probably stop sending me ""good morning, beautiful"" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it."

"I was going to write a joke about the pentagon... But I gave up when I couldn't find the right angle."

"Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense Solution: kids"

"Said the porcupine, ""I just love prickled onions."""

"[at work] ""Mornin, Margaret."" ""Mornin. You're late today."" [looks at watch] ""Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"""

"My friend just launched the second hubble into space... A hubble bubble."

"Bob and Sei are launching fireworks on the 4th of July. In an accident, Bob launches a firework into Sei's eye. Bob turns to Sei and says, ""Oh, Sei, can you see?"""