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Joke of the Day

"Why are Boy Scouts such great murderers? Because they leave no trace."

"You know you've been coding for too long when... System.express(feelings.tired);"

"When I have kids I'm going to tearfully serve them scrambled eggs smothered in ketchup & tell them it's Humpty Dumpty."

"You let your eyes unfocus. The entire page coalesces into a cheery, bespectacled face. Waldo is the entire crowd scene. We are all Waldo."

"My kids got in a fist fight while playing one of those claw machines at the pizza joint & shit like that is why I'm never sober."

"What is the difference between a sandwich and a baby? I don't have sex with the sandwich before I eat it !"

"dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun"

"how many calories are in a horse"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aida ! Aida who ? Aida more than I drink !"

"Hungary's goalkeeper Gabor Kiraly's sweatpants are looking so sexy that you can go to second round with them."