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Joke of the Day

"In first grade when I'd tell my parents what I learned in class and they'd act amazed, I'd think ""Shouldn't you know this shit already?"""

"Why did the Priest go to Walmart? Because the little boys pants were half off."

"What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp? I don't know, i just fly the drone"

"When I'm backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ"

"Why is pinocchio so good in the bedroom? He nose what he's doing"

"Thanks for the glitter covered greeting card. I'll never forget this gesture because EVERY SURFACE IN MY HOUSE IS COVERED IN GLITTER NOW"

"A man goes to visit the doctor Man: Did the test results come back? Doc: Yes, and the prognosis isn't good. Man: Well how long do I have? Doc: About 10. Man: 10 what? Years? Months? Doc: 8... 7...."

"Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright they're grand."

"Did you hear bout that mafia goon who crossdressed as a female servant? He was a maid man."

"Want to know the worst thing about yourself? Hang out with a kid for an hour, then ask them."