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Joke of the Day

"Why is pinocchio so good in the bedroom? He nose what he's doing"

"What do you call a retired soldier who's been blighted with mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran"

"Unless you're telling me how to skip it in the future, your voicemail greeting wastes my time."

"Q: What do you call a fish with three eyes? A: Fiiish."

"When my dogs crawl into bed with me, I like to pretend it's because they love me and not because I am sleeping in their dog bed on the floor"

"Q: Why did the boy drop his ice cream? A: He was hit by a bus"

"PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher ""can i use the bathroom?"" ""i don't know, CAN you?"" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*"

"Did you know? If you took a man's small intestine and stretched it all the way out from end to end, you would go to jail."

"How do you starve a black person? The same way you starve a white person you racist piece of shit"

"They should make another Taken movie, about Liam Neeson's character being under-appreciated for trying to keep his family safe. ""Taken 4: Granted"""