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Joke of the Day

"My boss incinerated that I use words incorrectly, applied that I was stupid & told me to watch my tardiness. I'm not even retarded."

"""nice dog or cat or baby or whatever"" i offer politely, my eyes scanning the room for the taco dip. ""was it expensive?"""

"How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement."

"I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse."

"What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait ? His portrait only need one nail"

"Me:Thank you, he's so hot I don't even know what I want to do first...Grandma: (interrupting) Okay, can someone else say the prayer please?"

"Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!"

"What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer? Kobe beef"

"Why does Tom Hiddleston only invite his closest friends/family to his birthday? He likes to keep things low key."

"I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife."" You should have seen how fast they both ran off."