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Joke of the Day

"I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife."" You should have seen how fast they both ran off."

"""Can I see your ID?"" Sure, it's... *lowers sunglasses* *raises them* *lowers them again* ""What are you doing?"" I don't know."

"Me: Describe your love for me in one word. Him: My what?"

"Oh goodness it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar."

"Darn it A man was walking around his backyard in his stocking feet and stubbed his toe on a rock. His sock exclaimed ""I'll be darned!"""

"I was dating an English teacher, but she dumped me.... She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon."

"What do a prison and a concentration camp have in common? In both people don't feel like showering."

"Q: What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it? A: a $20 bill"

"Why is it when you take a break from Twitter everyone assumes you're happy and in love... Maybe I was in jail."

"What do you call an Arab man who drives a bus? A bus driver."