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Joke of the Day

"Cute waiter: Hi, what can I get for you? Me: *accidentally barks*"

"WIFE: Don't tell the kids but I threw away those awful pictures they made & stuck on the fridge ME: [sprinting towards the bin] MY ART"

"It amazes me at how dirty minded most of you single women are. What amazes me more is how you clean that mind after you get wifed."

"What do you call something that you do to your self with one hand? A Selfie!"

"Sometimes all I'm really doing with my life is just trying to make it from one weekend to the next."

"Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway? Because there's a parrot on the shoulder."

"My friend thinks he is smart ! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"Why does Marx only drink herbal tea? Because property is theft."

"Want to hear a joke about the ozone layer? [depleted]"

"My Dirty apartment..... Is so messy I cant even get in with out my discovery pass."