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Joke of the Day

"A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today... The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack."

"Bond, Jamaal Bond A black James Bond? Wouldn't work, he'd be pulled over every 15 minutes for driving an Aston Martin."

"So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane... but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra."

"I hear Donald Trump is going to ban cans of parmesan cheese... ..he's going to make America grate again."

"I bought a book on eBay called, ""How to scam on eBay"". That was 2 months ago, and it's not arrived yet"

"How do you catch an orange elephant? I don't know. I've never seen an orange elephant."

"*looks up from phone* ...nah *looks back down*"

"You're telling me, a chicken fried this rice"

"Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth? Because it had a spear through it's head."

"I love it when corporations have a sassy ""human"" Twitter presence, like their CEO wouldn't cut your mom's throat for a nickel."