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Joke of the Day

"One of my oldest friends is my receding hairline... We go way back."

"I work out at the same time every day... tomorrow."

"Can you guess this sound? ""I'm not racist, but..."" It's the sound of a racist clearing their throat."

"[Wildebeest orbiting the earth in a spacesuit, uselessly kicking its legs madly every time a really grassy part comes into view]"

"Calling your girlfriend dumbledore cz she is the real head master"

"Tim Cook has announced that he's gay. Samsung just filed a lawsuit claiming they came out of the closet 3 years ago. #Apple"

"Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple. "

"I saw two priests eating dinner the other day... ... didn't know if I should send them a bottle of wine or an altar boy."

"Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar. They both crash when the drivers stop working."

"She said that having a successful marriage is all about making sacrifices so I threw her into a volcano."