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Joke of the Day

"I love it when corporations have a sassy ""human"" Twitter presence, like their CEO wouldn't cut your mom's throat for a nickel."

"We save women and children first because the dads have to make sure all the lights are off and the thermostat is set appropriately."

"Two cats are swimming across a river One's name is ""one two three"", and the other's name is ""Un deux trois"". One two three made it across but Un deux trois cat sank"

"Thousands of bird droppings are found on a playground.... Police suspect fowl play."

"One time I walked into a bathroom and there were no urinals I thought, ""huh... that's strange."" The girls that came in after me were apparently pretty freaked out by it too."

"Return policy: ""If for any reason you are not satisfied..."" Ok, I'm not satisfied because dwarves and rockets."

"Why did the bike fall over? It was ""two"" tired."

"""Tell me"" said the hiker to the local farmer ""will this pathway take me to the main road?"" ""No sir"" replied the farmer ""you'll have to go by yourself!"""

"Why is leather clothing good for sneaking? It's made of hide"

"Someone's written an album about thermometers... I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize."