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Joke of the Day
"There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka."
Next Joke
"That whole ""letting go"" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss."
"I need the ""Viewer Discretion Advised"" voice to narrate my life."
"Me: I have NO drafts! Wife: *opens window* Me: ... Wife: *opens door* Me: ... Wife: That better? Me: I should have married your sister."
"why do the ladies love jesus? *spreads arms wide* because he was hung like this"
"I'm really glad they named a park bench after my uncle in memorial. It fits, he was great at having homeless ppl sleep on top of him"
"What do you call a German grocery store that carries everything but fish? Not Sea Food."
"What technique does a prisoner use when coloring a picture? Cell shading."
"My buddy has been so annoying bragging about how he only sails on a ships maiden voyage... Fuckin shipsters"
"You know what they say, so I won't tell you."