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Joke of the Day

"I need the ""Viewer Discretion Advised"" voice to narrate my life."

"Why can't you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck."

"Does the defense have any last words? ""Yes I do your honor... THE FLOOR IS MADE OF LAVA"" [Judge & jury scramble to get on top of tables]"

"If a young boy dog is called a puppy... then what is a young girl dog called? A puppet!"

"Without nipples, breasts would be pointless."

"Girl, is your dad Louis Vuitton? Because you have such big bags under your eyes. Wait am I doing this right"

"Did you hear about the new virtual reality fellatio program? It's a real mind-blowing experience."

"My grandad used to swear by refrigerators. And televisions. In fact, he was probably the most foul-mouthed member of staff Comet ever had."

"Almost Instant Joy Find any Fast Song (Rap to Electro) Click Settings, Crank up the Speed 1.25: 1.5: Instant Twerk Music 2: The 2 is for 2Fast6You Only on Computers. RIP Phone Users"

"Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's Table? Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi."