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Joke of the Day

"Me: I have NO drafts! Wife: *opens window* Me: ... Wife: *opens door* Me: ... Wife: That better? Me: I should have married your sister."

"What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food."

"Why did the run-on sentence get worried? Her period came late."

"A werewolf is chasing you. Your life flashes before your eyes: crappy jobs, breakups, Ren fairs. The werewolf gets depressed and goes home."

"What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? ....getting her out of the wheelchair."

"Me: You're kidnapping me? Where're we going? Can we feed my cats first? Is there a ransom? Cool van. My name- Him: Changed my mind. Get out."

"A gay guy wants a tattoo of truck on his penis... Tattoo artist asks ""What kind of truck do you want on it?"" Gay guy says ""It better be a 4x4 cause it's going to get muddy."""

"How did Jesus get those sexy messiah abs? He did crossfit."

"Why do they call it a chicken coupe? If it had 4 doors it'd be a chicken sedan."

"So there's this cute girl from work and I'm too shy to talk to her But then I realized, all I needed to do to talk to her was to remove the duct tape"