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Joke of the Day

"*speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info."

"I think I may be emotionally constipated...I haven't given a crap in days."

"Worst Joke Ever Two whales are sitting in a bar and one whale says ""eeeyyoooo eeeeyyy yyeeooo oooyyy ooeeeee"" and the other whale says ""Shut up Steve, you're drunk."""

"Why did the barber win the race? He knew a short cut."

"Wearing contact lenses for the first time. My vision's gone from YouTube to Blu-Ray."

"What is a Statistician's preferred method of killing people ? Poisson Distribution"

"Did you hear about the sorcerer that turns people into prostitutes? He's whorifying!"

"What sex position makes the ugliest kids ? Ask your parents."

"Where do mice park their boats? At the Hickory Dickory Dock!"

"BOSS: I don't know if you're the right man for the job BAKER: NO PLEASE *holds up dough* I KNEAD THIS"