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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost."

"Some people are really tired after abortions... It's like they got life sucked out of them."

"What did people say after two satellite dishes got married? The wedding was dull, but the reception was great."

"Why did the pickle stop being a contortionist? It was to cucumbersome."

"I've yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system."

"[Heaven] Me: What happened? God: You were sending a DM & got hit by a bus. Me: I only have one ques- God: Sorry, man. She was totes a dude."

"[sees a dog about to get run over] Me [dives toward dog & rolls to safety]: that was close [sees a cat about to get run over] Me: car coming"

"*hops off a horse* alright buddy, your turn"

"Apparently skinny girls are no longer to be called anorexic. They prefer ""trans-fat"""

"New neighbours just moved in... I baked them some goodies as a welcome & a warning to never eat at my house."