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Joke of the Day

"I have a bumper sticker that says ""Honk if you think I'm sexy!"" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!"

"[At gang interview] GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang Me: Yep GL: What qualities do you.. M: *Already snapping fingers GL: You're in"

"Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your 'Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how married are you?"

"Is there a Twitter acronym for ""Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it""?"

"A baseball player was hit in the head with a line drive yesterday... today he's more open-minded"

"A German bakers was robbed... Apparently everything was stollen."

"What are 3 things you can't give a black man? A fat lip, A black eye and, a job. I had too.."

"I hope I'm never behind Johnny Depp going through airport security. Watching him take off all those accessories would be sad."

"*do a little dance* *make a little love* *get kicked out of this funeral*"