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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the US Election and sex? In sex it's fun to choose between a cunt and an asshole."

"Sometimes I like to stick a band aid on the middle of my forehead and when somebody asks what happened I tell them I got shot."

"i have to wake up at 3 am tomorrow to go to the airport i've honestly never felt more attacked and victimized than i do now"

"If you don't feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend... you're not doing it right"

"For a gentleman, Shakespeare really knew how to... ...spread those thy's."

"Hey, incessant seatbelt indicator beeping, I'll outlast you; just like your friend the gas light. You're not the boss of me."

"What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Do you lava me like I lava you?"

"Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she's gained weight."

"What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly ? The collie wobbles !"

"Knock knock Who's there? Dexter Dexter, who? Dexter halls with boughs holly!"