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Joke of the Day

"[doctors] ""How long have I got?"" ""Not long. Two, three months"" [casually places apple on desk] ""Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"""

"I believe that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs."

"I work out religiously... On christmas and Easter!"

"I have a lips."

"I don't like Nazi jokes... ...they're far beyond Mein Kampfort zone."

"What do you call a lizard on drugs? A mariguana."

"The Bible is Christianity's Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app"

"What did Jeffery Dahmer yell when he jumped in the pool? CANNIBAL!!!"

"Once, just once in my life, I'd love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper I'm hunting wabbits."

"What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? An Investigator"