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Joke of the Day

"If anyone needs me, I'll be over at facebook, actin' creepy."

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""why the long face?"""

"Results are in: a lot of people took the ""never change"" yearbook inscription way too seriously."

"what's the difference between peanut butter and jam you cant peanut butter your way in someones ass"

"""It's going to be amazing!"" No, it's not."

"two fish swim into a concrete wall one turn to the other and says:""Dam"""

"Hobbies include: 1. Crying about the past 2. Procrastinating in the present 3. Worrying about the future"

"There are only 2 kinds of Priest: There are the ones who masturbate and Liars."

"Are you ready to be disappointed?"

"my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place"