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Joke of the Day

"Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets."

"People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here. And everyone hates you."

"I like to be frank and earnest with women. In Brooklyn, I'm Frank and in Chicago I'm Ernest."

"I tried to join the local hide and seek club today But I couldn't find them"

"Why Are Mexican & Black Jokes Overdone? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;("

"Guy: Can I get your number? Me: I kill plants for fun"

"What is a caterpillar's biggest fear? A dogerpillar."

"I asked my friend how she liked her first Brazilian wax... She told me it was a complete rip-off."

"Why girls have zip in their pents?"

"You can't joke with a kleptomaniac... They take everything, literally."