60829

Joke of the Day

"[me as a ninja] [a smoke ball is thrown in a park] [when the smoke clears, all of the dogs in the park have stealthily been petted]"

"""Honey, the baby sure is fussy. Why don't we go see a movie after we goto a nice, quiet restaurant?"""

"My costume budget is pretty slim, so I'm going as 'disinterested millennial' for Halloween this year."

"What did the band kid say to the other band kid after she found out he was cheating on her? ""You double timing son of a bitch!"""

"Life is like box of chocolates ... it doesn't last long for the fat people."

"My Muslim girlfriend wants to blow me Should I be excited or call the cops?"

"The Egg Race Who came in first? The over easy egg because it was really runny. How about second? The over medium egg because it was only a little runny. And last? That would be the baked egg."

"Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office? Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry."

"THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree"

"which toaster strudel is best toaster strudel im fucking this toaster strudel right now and im about to go ham on a ham and cheese hot pocket with my dick"