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Joke of the Day

"Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth? He didn't understand Flossophy!"

"How do you die by heroin? When you are the villain"

"Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies"

"A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed. The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't."

"Premature ejaculation was the number one public health issue in the North Pole in 2016 Looks like Santa came early this year"

"Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the knickers."

"I'm a homeless romantic"

"I don't have bad posture, my body's just sad."

"That went swimmingly And I can't swim."

"I spend 90% of my time in Texas doing u-turns under highway overpasses trying to get somewhere I can see but can't drive to for some reason."