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Joke of the Day

"Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, ""Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"""

"Everytime I have sex... It's really hands on."

"Two satellite antennas decided to get married The wedding was ok. But the reception was amazing!"

"I can already hear Monday morning whispering Go F***Yourself in my ear."

"I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs."

"Velcro. What a rip off."

"What did the fish say to the concrete wall? Dam!"

"The only thing worse than finding your girlfriend on Tinder... Is your girlfriend finding you."

"I'll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I've felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower."

"You know what channel The Republican debate is on? I don't know man, maybe check Comedy Central?"