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Joke of the Day

"You know what channel The Republican debate is on? I don't know man, maybe check Comedy Central?"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they are dead."

"Russian history in 5 words: ""And then things got worse."""

"Holy shit. I just realized this sales kid is treating me this way because he thinks I'm old"

"What's it called when you look in the mirror and say ""jesus christ I look good""? Using the lords name in vanity"

"Why didn't Hitler drink tequila? Because it made him mean."

"sorry but if your dog is small enough to be carried away by a falcon then it shouldn't be called a dog"

"My Mother texted me and asked ""What does TTYL mean?""... I replied, ""Talk to you later"". So she responded, ""No! Talk to me now! What does it mean?"""

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!! (someone date me please)"

"Small one A midget fortune teller escapes with some money and is not found by the police. Headline in the next day's newspaper: Small medium at large."