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Joke of the Day
"Why is my hand 11 inches long? Because if it were any longer it would be a foot!"
Next Joke
"Treat your guests like family, so they don't stay too long."
"So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE."
"Who's this Rorschach dude? And why is he so good at drawing pictures of my mom beating me?"
"My business is awkward smiles and poorly executed high-fives, and business is good."
"Ur mama is so fat, she had to be baptized at sea world."
"[me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert] please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation"
"Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing."
"""Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."""
"I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!"