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Joke of the Day

"What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common? They both feature Chess nuts!"

"No. Skinny girls shouldn't be in charge of the office thermostat. You need a middle-aged woman with hot flashes named Brenda on the dial."

"Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she threw away all the w's!"

"When I know I've posted a great tweet, I walk away from my phone in slow motion like I'm Jason Statham walking from an explosion."

"An Olympic gymnast walked into a bar... She didnt get a medal..."

"Which newspaper is most popular around cows? The Moo York Times"

"Then there was the noodle who wanted all his life to be an M... but when he finally got his wish, no one believed him cause he was an M pasta..."

"Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of."

"Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike."

"My wife and I have lists for people we'd make exceptions for... I have one for midgets but it's a small list."